I am miserable. Let me list the ways:
- I miss my best friend who died almost 2 years ago.
- I actually miss 2 friends who were like sisters to me and then just betrayed my trust and judged me.
- I HATE those 2 friends and cannot get over how angry I am.
- Those 2 friends got to be at my best friend’s side as she died. I didn’t. Cause those 2 friends made sure I was not welcome. I am probably forever bitter about that.
- I’m mad at my best friend for dying. How fucking stupid of me. But there you go.
- My oldest son is turning out to be just like my abusive father. Why? Why do I get to experience that crap on both ends of my life? I cannot stand how much I cannot stand my son at this moment. I must be the most loathsome parent ever.
- I have had a migraine to some extent for 2 weeks.
- My fibromyalgia is flaring.
- I’m on an enforced therapy break because there is NOBODY to watch my 3 sons. They are a difficult trio and terrifying to the average person. Honestly, the 2 oldest ones also terrify me. I cannot wait for them to go to school so I can go to therapy.
- I hate that my insides were damaged by the abuse I endured as a child. I hate that the damage has now worsened to the point I must take care of things (or invest in Depends). I hate that I cannot control my bladder well and i hate that i must go to the doctor and have the tests i must have to get it fixed.
- I hate that I am so angry and bitter and overwhelmed.
- I hate cancer. It’s affecting some of my favorite people in the world. I need these people. Doesn’t the Universe get that?
They say misery loves company, but I see no one who wants to be around me. I think the saying is wrong. I aldo think I’m indulging in a pity party for myself. I’m sorry I got you involved.
Hopefully, next time I write, the poorly attended party will be over and I will be better company.