Why we should tell our stories…

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My Mother

7/31/2019

She lives down the road from me,

But I try to not remember that.

I never follow the road to her house,

Although sometimes, I wish that

She was the kind of mother

I’d follow the Yellow Brick Road for.

She is like the smoke

From forest fires

Many miles away.

Her haze and smoke

Suffocates me

Even though I do not see her.

She is like a witch.

I do not expect her,

Yet it is in her power

To appear,

Unbidden,

Unannounced,

In a grocery store

Or at a doctor’s office

Or at my door.

Conjuring up memories

Paralyzing me,

Smothering me.

Stealing my life

With her flying monkey lies.

I am strong.

I am a warrior.

But, in her presence,

I am terrified.

I am defrocked and dethroned by her gaze.

I am overwhelmed by her words.

I would leave my life

To escape her fire and brimstone judgment.

She is chaos

Brought to life.

She is horrors magnified.

She was my mother,

But abdicated that role.

She tried to destroy me

But did not succeed.

She looked the other way

As a holy man,

And her husband

And extortionists

Terrorized me

And tried to annihilate me.

But, I rose.

And I need to remember,

That in spite of her,

I rose.

I became the warrior I am today.

My fear transmuted into my sword

And I became a warrior

Standing up for the me I used to be.

I can inhale her smoke

and exhale lifesaving fire.

I can meet her witches and

Melt them with my gaze.

And, I can capture her flying monkeys

And lock them up forever.

She terrifies me,

But I have risen

And she will perish.

I am strong

And she is weak.

I am the Warrior Queen

And she is not welcome in my land.

It was not my fault

It was not your fault.
You are not to blame for the abuse and atrocities you suffered at their hands.

It was their fault and the fault of every other adult that they brought into your circle of horrors

They were big,
And you were little.
They were in control.
You were not in control.
You could never have imagined
Nor created
The brutality and inhumanity
They brought into your life.

There was no escape.
They locked you into a mental prison
And reminded you
That your very survival depended on them.

They were the monsters under your bed
And hidden in your closet.
They were your worst nightmare
Come to life.

You could not have dreamt
Those heinous acts
Into being.
You could not have imagined the
Abominable and ruthless acts
You were forced to endure.

No. It was not your fault.

You were an innocent pink baby born into darkness.
You were a little girl, bright and shining, plunged into the depths of hell.
You were a girl, smart and beautiful, forced to hold onto nothing and still live.
You were a young adult, terrified and alone.

They did this.
You own no blame.
You grew up into me.
I’m a strong and brave warrior.
You don’t have to protect me or yourself
By constantly remembering.
They did the terrible things
And they are not here.
I am the Warrior Queen,
Surrounded by warrior friends.
I will wage the battles if necessary.
You are my princess,
Free to rest quietly,
Free to delight in music,
Free to romp with the fairies in the garden.
You are free.
The door to your prison is open
And you do not need to go back.
I’ve picked up every tattered piece of your heart and soul,
And healed you into the Warrior Queen.

It was not your fault.
You are not to blame for the abuse and atrocities you suffered at their hands.
It was their fault and the fault of every other adult that they brought into your circle of horrors
They were big,
And you were little.
They were in control.
You were not in control.
You could never have imagined
Nor created
The brutality and inhumanity
They brought into your life.
There was no escape.
They locked you into a mental prison
And reminded you
That your very survival depended on them.
They were the monsters under your bed
And hidden in your closet.
They were your worst nightmare
Come to life.
You could not have dreamt
Those heinous acts
Into being.
You could not have imagined the
Abominable and ruthless acts
You were forced to endure.
No. It was not your fault.
You were an innocent pink baby born into darkness.
You were a little girl, bright and shining, plunged into the depths of hell.
You were a girl, smart and beautiful, forced to hold onto nothing and still live.
You were a young adult, terrified and alone.
They did this.
You own no blame.
You grew up into me.
I’m a strong and brave warrior.
You don’t have to protect me or yourself
By constantly remembering.
They did the terrible things
And they are not here.
I am the Warrior Queen,
Surrounded by warrior friends.
I will wage the battles if necessary.
You are my princess,
Free to rest quietly,
Free to delight in music,
Free to romp with the fairies in the garden.
You are free.
The door to your prison is open
And you do not need to go back.
I’ve picked up every tattered piece of your heart and soul,
And healed you into the Warrior Queen.

By Patty

Copyrighted 7/17/2019