My Mother

7/31/2019

She lives down the road from me,

But I try to not remember that.

I never follow the road to her house,

Although sometimes, I wish that

She was the kind of mother

I’d follow the Yellow Brick Road for.

She is like the smoke

From forest fires

Many miles away.

Her haze and smoke

Suffocates me

Even though I do not see her.

She is like a witch.

I do not expect her,

Yet it is in her power

To appear,

Unbidden,

Unannounced,

In a grocery store

Or at a doctor’s office

Or at my door.

Conjuring up memories

Paralyzing me,

Smothering me.

Stealing my life

With her flying monkey lies.

I am strong.

I am a warrior.

But, in her presence,

I am terrified.

I am defrocked and dethroned by her gaze.

I am overwhelmed by her words.

I would leave my life

To escape her fire and brimstone judgment.

She is chaos

Brought to life.

She is horrors magnified.

She was my mother,

But abdicated that role.

She tried to destroy me

But did not succeed.

She looked the other way

As a holy man,

And her husband

And extortionists

Terrorized me

And tried to annihilate me.

But, I rose.

And I need to remember,

That in spite of her,

I rose.

I became the warrior I am today.

My fear transmuted into my sword

And I became a warrior

Standing up for the me I used to be.

I can inhale her smoke

and exhale lifesaving fire.

I can meet her witches and

Melt them with my gaze.

And, I can capture her flying monkeys

And lock them up forever.

She terrifies me,

But I have risen

And she will perish.

I am strong

And she is weak.

I am the Warrior Queen

And she is not welcome in my land.

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One thought on “My Mother

  1. This is a lot like the way I wither under my father’s criticism and cursing and yelling at me. I am fierce until that moment, and I shrivel but then I feel like a wimp for giving him the power so I stand up for myself and he comes at me twice as hard and mean. I still do battle, though. He won’t rob me of my self respect.
    Nor will his flying monkeys called my stepmonster and half brother :;)

    Thanks for sharing, it helps to know I am not alone in my adult child-parent struggle.

    Like

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