Nikita Gill, poet, wrote some of her poems just for me, I sometimes think.

My mother did not warn me that the monsters lived in my house. I remember always being so scared of everything, but i should have been terrified of those closest to me. That thought leaves me in a cold sweat, thinking of that innocent little girl I was.

I waited as a child for the person that would save me. I waited for troops of warriors to sweep in and yank me out of the den of monsters.

Turns out, I am the warrior that saved that little girl. I am so much more capable and strong than i ever knew.

I just completed CPT ( Cognitive Processing Therapy) around one of the most horrific things that happened to me. I now know that it was not me that made that happen. Other people engineered and facilitated that event. It did not happen because i was too needy, fat, ugly. It happened because those people were evil.


5 thoughts on “

  1. I have been teaching Spook for years that you need not fear Jason Vorhees or Freddy cos they are fake. The real monsters look harmless and so often are people you know. Evil lives and usually in the form of humans, not actual monster stories.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nikita Gill’s resonates so well that I sometimes think she read my journal as source material!

    I am so moved, so happy to read that you are able now to *feel* that the responsibility for your nightmarish experience lies elsewhere. It’s one thing to recognize it intellectually–not that hard, really, to see a child is not to blame for her abuse. But being able to move that knowledge from our heads deep into our hearts can be so hard! Sending hugs to wonderful you.

    Liked by 2 people

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