In a previous post, I wrote that my therapist has started Corrective Attachment Therapy with me. It is something that gives me great hope for my healing. The idea is to get me attached to my younger self, really voice what happened in my life, and then, through role plays or empty chair exercises , tell the people who hurt me exactly what they did to me and what I feel about those things. One of my hopes about this therapy is that it will help to loosen the tentacles of abuse that hold my younger selves hostage, who in turn hold parts of my mind, heart, and soul hostage through the constant replaying of that abuse. Hopefully, my younger selves will eventually be attached to me and the strong, caring woman I am instead of being attached to the abuse and trying to get that love and protection from the abusers themselves.
This therapy is not easy. It requires follow-up between sessions. It requires lots of attention from me because the infant me requires lots of attention. This therapy is bringing to light what a baby needs and how many of my normal baby needs were not met. The good part of this therapy is that it requires lots of reflecting and talking from me. I’m beginning to make connections I’ve not made before.
I’m using a doll from my childhood as a representative of the baby I was. It’s peculiar how often I’m drawn to cuddle that doll at night. I believe parts of me are starting to relax as they understand that I am working to meet their needs.