This is what I’d tell you.
I’d tell you that I’ve been having a hard time writing, feeling my feelings, and being creative. I think the problem might be the increase in my antidepressants. I think they are making me numb. I’m not sad, I’m not happy…most of the time.
I’d tell you that I discovered this kind of cookie called Biscoff. They are so good. I’m going to learn how to make them.
I’d tell you that I’m having some anniversary issues. It was a year ago that my oldest son acted out sexually inappropriately with his brothers. Then a week or two later I lost (they did not die) two of my closest friends. It was three years ago that my ex therapist became extremely emotionally abusive and terminated me put of the blue. I absolutely HATE those two extra friends and my ex therapist. I can’t stop thinking about what these three people did to me. I have been beating up the Wavemaster on a regular basis. I wish I knew how to let these three people go. And, regarding my son, I’ve been extremely jumpy and antsy about where he is in the house and where his brothers are. I love my son and I want to protect him and I don’t trust him at all.
My two friends whom I lost last year were like my sisters. They spent lots of time in my house. They took care of my kids with me. We were together all the time. Yesterday, I realized that they had me convinced I could not care for my kids without their help. My kids are very difficult children, but you know what? I’ve taken better care of them in the past year without those 2 friends than ever before. I don’t need assistance parenting. Fuck those people.
Also, if my ex therapist had not terminated me, I would never have found my present therapist. My ex therapust told me that I would probably never heal. My present therapist called me a warrior in the first month I saw her. She also tells me that I am whole and I have all I need inside me to heal.
I’d tell you that I’m addicted to Law and Order SVU. I wish I’d known an Olivia when I was a kid. Now, I’m learning to be my own Olivia.
I’d also tell you that I’m now smaller than I was in 7th grade. I’m thrilled with how I look and what my body can do. I’d tell you that my hair is now quite short and I now look like what I’ve imagined in my mind for years. Short haired, athletic looking, feminine lesbian. I love it.
What would you tell me if we were drinking coffee together today?