FUCKING FRIDAY

So, on the other side of Feel Good Friday, is Fucking Friday.  Ugh.  And guess what? This is not primarily about me, but it is related to me.  I just received a call from my eldest son’s school.  He is 9 and attends a charter school.  He is in a vlassroo. with both a regular education teacher and a special education teacher.  Mr. 9 Year Old ( to be known as 9 from now on) is in this particular classroom because he is a special education student.  Every year, when school starts on August, I have a face to face meeting with all teachers involved in 9’s education.  I explain 9’s history and diagnoses and behaviors and best methods of interacting with him.  we work together to create a behavior plan for 9 with scripted responses,and built in sensory breaks and movement activities, and rewards, and consequences.  All adults are enthusiastic and convey that they understand what I’m saying, but I know a secret.  I know that all of these new to 9 adults or maybe not new to 9 adults think that they are miracle workers and that 9 is your typical kid and that this will be the year that 9 turns around.  Well, 9 has conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, and a hugely traumatic early childhood.  What I learned after living for 4 years with 9, when he was 8, is that 9 is not going to adjust to us, we are going to have to adjust to him.  He lies, he steals, he is conniving, he is impulsive, he is extremely smart but has a lack of executive functioning skills, he has no remorse or feelings of empathy.  9 is cute, helpful, loves attention, loves to read.  He is generally happy and not aggressive-these two things make me happy.  At home, his windows have child locks and alarms, we lock up matches, cleaning supplies, unused electronics, extra shampoo and liquid soap, we lock our bedroom, there is an alarm on 9’s bedroom door, his other mom and I have 9 within our sight at all times, unless he is in his bedroom or the bathroom.  we keep in mind where 9’s brothers are in relation to 9 at all times.  9 has tried tok set fires in our house, he has been very sexually inappropriate with his brothers, he has destroyed expensive electronics, he has dumped out countless bottles of shampoo and liquid soap, he has stolen all of my jewelry and done God knows what with it, he has climbed out 2nd story windows and run away.  At first, we tried to change 9.  He has changed some…Learned to keep his seat belt on in the car, learned to ask for food and eat it at the table, learned to say yes, mommy, learned to respond when he is called, learned to say please and thank you.  But, those other things….stealing stuff, destroying stuff, ….we had to adjust to him and change our behavior.  well, at this time of the year, all of the adults who work with 9 in school start getting g frustrated as 9 has not adjusted to their expectations yet.  I start getting phone calls about how he behaves one day and not the next.  Yes, this is 9.  This is how it goes.  Some days, he’s going to do his math, some days he’s not.  some days he’s going to follow all of the rules in gym, some days he’s not going to.  As the adults, the teachers need to remind him of their expectations every single day, even if they’ve already done so for 100 days.  It really makes a difference.  Every time I take 9 out, I remind him of how he is going to behave, of how when I say it’s time to leave, we’re going to leave, how if he screams or throws things I’m going to to deal with it.  I’ve been doing it for 5 years, I really don’t see an end in sight.  The gym teacher called me today…he had 9 take a break due to not following rules for the game they were playing.  The gym teacher was going to have 9 rejoin the game after 5 minutes, but then 9 had a tantrum and had to leave.  I asked if the gym teacher had told him that he would get back into the game after his break.  The gym teacher told me that 9 knows hell get to rejoin the game, everybody get to rejoin after a break.  I told him, you have to remind 9 every time.  We have to adjust to 9, he is not going to adjust to us.  Gym teacher got snippy, sarcastically told me, thanks for your help, and hung up.  Fuck me Friday.

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6 thoughts on “FUCKING FRIDAY

  1. Ugh! Ignorant people!! Meet with them all again, and again, until they all get it that they need to understand your son better. They need to take their expectations for what they think he should be able to do and be, and shove them you know where. I’ve had experiences with my son and schools that remind me that teachers are just people, and they carry a pile of their own shit that comes out when they have to deal with a student who is challenging. Their buttons get pushed, their bells get rung. They’ll refuse to look at their own demons, and will blame your child for whatever.

    My kid, no longer in our public school, is still living with the trauma that was created thanks to a few teachers. (He’s incredibly sensitive).

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  2. As I read your post I am reminded of one of my children. I am struck by your powerful and committed love of your child. You are so right that there are things that is better to accept and just them as they journey down their own path. You may not need the encouragement but you are an AWESOME mom. You’re doing a good job.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sorry Patty but I know you are doing the best you can. And as helpless this may seem, it is all you can do and you should feel ok with it. There will be iOS and downs it sounds like, some good days, some bad, of which all of the are out of your control. I’m sorry everything is so difficult. It passes however, maybe remember that during a tough moment. Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

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