I’m working hard on moving on from my abuse story to that of being a warrior queen. It’s a conscious effort every day, even every hour and minute. My brain is damaged by the abuse I endured and reminds me of it pretty regularly with flashbacks and nightmares.
On Monday evening, I went to meditation and prayer at my church. There was a large group of people, 50 or more there. The focus of the meditation was being a child of God. My priest started the medication, saying imagine yourself as a child at a time you were happy. Tears immediately pricked my eyes. My first thought was, I wonder if there was a time I was truly happy as a child. My inner warrior kicked in, and I was able to overcome that thought with this thought. That was then and this is about being an adult and a child of God. I was then able to imagine myself with my hair in ponytails with real daisies tucked in the elastics, wearing a smock top and flowered jeans that I loved as a child, with my first pair of glasses on. And I infused this memory with the happiness of mothering my own children. And I was able to move on with the meditation, in which God appeared to me as an old woman and drew me a beautiful picture. The picture ended up being scenes from my life on Monday. Playing with my kids, sitting in the group meditation, hanging out with my adult niece, being with my wife, being hugged by my priest. After the guided meditation, we were invited to an altar decorated with a huge pile of crayons. We were to pick a color that spoke to us. I chose magenta. Here is what the Internet tells me about the color magenta:
The Color of Universal Harmony & Emotional Balance
The color magenta is one of universal harmony and emotional balance. It is spiritual yet practical, encouraging common sense and a balanced outlook on life.
This is a color that helps to create harmony and balance in every aspect of life; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
A combination of red and violet, magenta contains the passion, power and energy of red, restrained by the introspection and quiet energy of violet.
Magenta influences our whole personal and spiritual development. It strengthens our intuition and psychic ability while assisting us to rise above the everyday dramas of our daily life to experience a greater level of awareness and knowledge.
This was my victory and I stood as a warrior queen for the closing prayer.