I spent a good part of today doing some research via my blog and my personal journal to try to figure out what happened to this grieving process of mine. I managed to piece together a pretty good road map of when that process started and where the detours happened. I started this grieving process in July, 2016. MT (my therapist) said that it wouldn’t surprise her if I spent the next year crying on her couch for two hours every week. Then in September, 2016 that process got interrupted by the crazy PAP smear that took over my life for a while, as I had a new trauma to process. And thank God, I processed it in the present as soon as it happened. And it is done. That actually took a couple of months. Almost as soon as I was done processing the bad and terrible PAP smear, I got my date for my surgery and lots of time and energy, both in and out of therapy, was taken up with getting prepared for surgery and being excited about it. Once I had my surgery, lots of time was taken up talking about changes in eating and body perception and how I felt more vulnerable…and I was busy letting go of weight…lots of weight every week. I was processing the changes in my appearance seemed to be changing every few days. I was busy processing the emotions I could no longer cover up with food. And of course that conversation continues even now. And then MT went away for a week and I’ve been stuck and trying to let go since then, but what I realized today, is that I had many interruptions to my grieving process and I never let myself get back to it. I started that process to help myself be able to let go and even though I seemed to not be in the grieving stage anymore, I know I am. Just saying that gives me a sense of relief. No wonder I’m still sad and mad. I’m not trying to hold on, I’m not trying to change the past, I just need to complete this process.