I didn’t spin this web. I didn’t devise the lies that make up this web. I’ve been held captive in this web and I’m starting to break loose. I’m going to escape this web of lies and abuse.
This web is enormous and strong. It spans generations and crosses seas and continents. In the distant past, one of my ancestors sold his or her soul to the devil and hurt the first child, and from there, it spun out of control, trapping generations of children in lies, deceit, shame. In trying to find their way out of the darkness and terror of this web, some found their way deeper into the darkness and became the abusers themselves. Generations of children have been raped, beaten, terrorized. Generations of children have not owned their bodies. Their bodies have been owned by mothers, fathers, uncles, grandparents, old men, neighbors, priests, and strangers. Their bodies have been sold and shared. Children have tried to escape this web by drinking, taking drugs, self harm, shrinking into the background, becoming as loud as possible, eating, shopping, being perfect, or being as imperfect as possible. Children have learned that their feelings don’t count…if they are sad, nobody wipes away the tears, their anger is shut down and turned inward, their joy is not celebrated. Children are shamed for being human. Children are beaten into submission. They become vigilant, waiting for the next slap or the next creepy feeling touch. Children constantly remember the terror. Children learn to be somewhere else in their minds.
I am escaping this web of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. I didn’t spin this web. I just got caught in it. I’m breaking the strands of silk one at a time. I’m learning to unravel what can’t be broken. The shame belongs to those who continued spinning this web. I will not spin any part of this web. I am not this web. The web tries to trap me, but I will not be trapped. Living in the present unravels the web. Owning what happened to me unravels the web. I am not the people who spun this web. I am not like them, even though they created me. I am an angel rising from evil. I am a warrior, and my sword is ripping this web to shreds . I have told my story, and the truth of that story untangles this web and lays the silk straight to guide my way from the web of deceit.