Resistant

I am feeling really resistant to going to therapy this morning.  My first plan was to just go back to sleep after my wife and kids left for the day.  I wasn’t going to set an alarm, knowing in all likelihood,  I would sleep through at least half of my appointment.   I set the alarm.  I just got up again, and I have a headache.  I considered calling and saying it hurts too much to come.   Now, I’m writing a post instead of getting ready.  Shaking my head.  I feel kind of panicked at the thought of going.  I could not seem to connect to my therapist last week, in both sessions.  What if it happens again this week?  I’ve had some flashbacks that I don’t understand.  I’m not sure I want to talk about them and understand.  My feelings of contentment from this weekend have faded. I feel like crying, but I have no reason.  My therapist will say, well, don’t stuff the emotion.  Go ahead and feel it.  But, I hate emotions not attached to anything.  Ugh.  Okay.  Off to the shower.   Update later.

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