Unusual Place To Be

I’m in an unusual emotional space for me and I like it.  I’m pretty content with me and my life today, yet, I know when I go see MT (my therapist) this week I have work to do.  I’m really happy with my feeling of contentment right now.  I’ve been practicing letting go of things that I cannot change or actively work on right now.  Like flashbacks.   Yes, they are disturbing,  but really the content has no baring on my everyday life and I will work on them in therapy this week.  I’ve noticed myself feeling more vulnerable as I rapidly get smaller, and I’ve become aware of that feeling of vulnerability, talked some to the teenaged part of myself who originally gained weight,  and then reminded her and the adult me that I’m actually stronger and faster now.  And to keep that thought in the forefront of both of our minds, I signed up for an aquatic kickboxing class.  I addressed that feeling of vulnerability and now I’m working on letting it go.  (Lord almighty, the Frozen song is now stuck in my head!)

I had a great weekend with my wife and kids.  We played hard and worked hard.  I walked on the treadmill at the fastest rate yet.  We all worked on cleaning the house to get ready for company.   We went swimming and out to eat.  We did some shopping.  We watched movies and did arts and crafts.   I took a cozy nap on the couch today.  I made homemade meatballs and pasta for dinner.  The kids were amazing.  Life is good.

I’ve been feeling cut off from friends and adult contact outside my family.  There’s a show I really want to see at a local theater.   My wife and I are not having good luck finding babysitters right now.  But, when I made a comment about really wanting to see this show, my wife told me to call my BFF and invite her and she would pay for both tickets.  I did and we are going Friday night.  I’m so excited to have a night out with Button, one of my BFF’s.

My practice right now is letting go and letting myself be calm and peaceful and content.  I know I have stuff to work on, but I have two hours of therapy every week for that. I even know I have some angst with MT right now.  I had a difficult time connecting with her last week.  And I really let myself dwell on that on Friday, and then I realized there is nothing I can do about until Tuesday.  So I could either let it ruin my weekend or I could let it go until the next time I see MT.  I chose to let it go.  And now in thinking about it a little as I write this, I’m not even sure it’s worthy of being addressed in therapy on Tuesday, unless I still have problems connecting with her.  Letting go seems to have some transformative powers.  I like it.  It’s work.  It’s not easy.  But, that’s okay.

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4 thoughts on “Unusual Place To Be

  1. Patty, so happy for you to hear you had a nice weekend. You are working so hard, it is so obvious. And I also appreciate your wisdom “I’m not even sure it is worthy of being addressed in therapy on Tuesday unless I still have problems connecting with her.” I know what you mean – when I am able to let go of that tightness around whatever emotion I may be having with my therapist, I often don’t need to process. I can just let it go, realize it isn’t the end of the world, and it feels empowering to be able to process on my own. Nice work! Have a great time with your friend on Friday.

    Liked by 1 person

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