This Warrior is Exhausted

I am tired.  I’ve been fighting lots of battles lately.  Some battles I don’t even know I am fighting.  I’ve been fighting battles for my children to make sure they grow up to be as happy as possible.  I’ve been fighting battles with my past.  I’ve been fighting battles with my body and my addiction to food.  I’m just exhausted.  MT  (my therapist ) told me today, as I sobbed in her office, that warriors get to rest and put down their swords for awhile.   She told me that I just can’t declare defeat because I will eventually have to pick up this sword again.  I came home with questions about how and where do warriors rest.  I plugged warriors resting into Google and this song popped up.  I love this song.  At one time on my life,  when my faith was stronger, I listened to this song constantly.  I’m not sure that I an picture myself resting at God’s feet right now, but I can rest in some kind of faith.  Faith that I’m the best wife and mother I can possibly be.  Faith that things don’t stay the same forever.  I may be exhausted right now, and life may be very hard right now, but the wave that is crushing me right now, will eventually spit me out on dry land so I can catch my breath.  I do have faith in something bigger than me, and that something will help me through this time and other tough times to come.  I am okay.  I am good. I can know those things even if others judge me to not be okay and good.  I may screw things up.  I am human.  But those mistakes do not mean that I am not okay and good.

So for the next week, I am choosing no battles.  I am going to love and play with my kids and have fun during their winter break.  I am going to color and read and listen to music.   I’m going to see some friends.  I am going to rest.  And then, I will pick up the sword and engage in my battles again.  Once I’m rested and some of my battle wounds are healed, I can continue this battle.

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