Seems a little better.  Maybe it’s the amount of work I accomplished this morning cleaning out closets in the boys’ rooms.  Now that they are officially adopted, we are getting ready to move them all into their own rooms.  We had to wait because there were lots of crazy foster care rules preventing us from using all of our bedrooms.  There is also a slim possibility that a little girl will be living here for awhile.  So I’m praying that this girl stays with her mom because that would be the best thing for her, but getting ready just in case.

Maybe I’m feeling better because my body and mind are starting to heal from that disastrous PAP smear.  Maybe by a smidgen.   But now that I’m starting to think about it while I write this, the tears are pricking my eyes right away.  MT  (my therapist ) wants me to answer two questions about how I’m doing around that PAP smear.  The first is where am I directing my anger to from that incident.  And the second question is what am I doing to help the child parts of me with this stuff.  Both are really difficult and I’m thinking and journalling about them.  I’m sure I’ll write about them here eventually.

I’m also really liking the weather today.  A little chilly, but invigorating.   A beautiful blue sky and some changing leaves falling off the trees.  Fall is my favorite season.  It makes me happy.  I like starting to wear leggings, sweaters, boots.  I like wearing socks.  I love socks.

Now, I’m sitting in front of the television, watching a series on Amazon called In Treatment.  It’s one of my favorite shoes to binge watch right now. 


5 thoughts on “Today

  1. So glad you are starting to feel a bit better. As I read this, I remembered how cleaning up messes often makes me feel better too. Maybe it’s a symbol for cleaning up the confusion in my head?

    I like your therapist’s questions, very wise. Good wishes to you as you write through this very painful event. Love, Q.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Getting shit done sure feels good sometimes, doesn’t it? A few good hours of hard work can feel damn good. And lift the spirits. Also, coming off of an intense emotional experience and the processing of that experience also can feel good. Working through something as deep as you just did, does lighten the load. One bit at a time. Great work lately, Patty.


    • Thanks, Rachel. Grieving the whole childhood mess was really hard without adding an additional traumatic situation. Yup, one bit at a time.

      I love the feeling of cleaning closets. I think it’s kind of a metaphor for my emotional life. I think that if you knew me not as a blogger, you would not know nearly as much about my emotional closets. Not many people know the state of the actual closets in my house either. Yes. Several hours of good hard work make one feel amazing. And fruitful.

      Liked by 2 people

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