Better Place

I am on a much better place today.  The last several days, after the treacherous PAP smear, I’ve felt very physically I’ll and been struggling with lots of flashbacks and really kind of doubting that whole experience.  I also had a couple of really bad days of eating….well, for me, now.  I ate a sleeve of graham crackers one night and another day I ate 5 slices of white bread…just because.  I have to keep reminding myself that these were lapses in my healthy eating and not a relapse.  It doesn’t give me permission to go off the deep end and eat everything in sight.  I still want yo live a good, healthy long life to be with my boys and to spite my abusers.  Fuck them.  They might have tried to kill me, but I’m learning to live life to the fullest (well heart and soul filled, not belly filled…..Rolling my eyes).  If those damned abusers didn’t manage to kill me, I’m certainly not going to allow that nurse to complete their work, nor will I complete it for them.  Apparently,  they were too wimpy to kill me, and I’m way stronger now than they could ever imagine being.  Ooooo.  I feel my anger coming out big time. 

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