MT (my therapist ) often has me do projects on the things we are addressing in therapy. Grief has been the main subject lately. The above picture is my word picture of the definition of grief, especially as it pertains to me. Right now, Grief is this huge emotion, flowing through my arms and legs, my belly and chest, making my throat feel constricted and finally finding it’s way out my mouth (sobbing, wailing ), my nose (it runs like a faucet when I cry), and my eyes. It feels like there is the amount of water in a pool trying to make its way out a pin prick hole. It’s a huge built up pressure. I’m wondering if that’s where my anxiety came from yesterday. Too much trying to come out at once….
And we are not even at all of the other stages of grief yet….although MT thinks I my have gone through the bargaining stage in my early 20’s, when I kept going to the abusers’ home and offering myself up to them in the hopes they might love me in return.