To My Last Therapist

You did not like when I needed you.  You told me I was like a toddler wrapped around your leg.  You did not like when I did not need you.  You told me that my unwillingness to do what you wanted me to left you immobilized.   You told me that I could not heal.  That I was too traumatized.   You told me that you cared about me.  You told me I was too difficult.  You told me to ground myself.  You told me my feelings were too big.  And then you told me to leave.

 

I want you to know that I am healing.  I want you to know that my big feelings are totally appropriate for what happened to me. I want you to know that when I am allowed to feel these feelings, they actually dissipate. I want you to know that there are therapists brave enough to look these feelings in the face with me. I survive and thrive…and so does the therapist. I want you to know that being too difficult for you was all too a familiar feeling. I was too difficult for my abusers and they needed to hurt me yo rein me in. You know what? I am not too difficult. I am me. And MT, my therapist now, knows that. She shines a lamp on my path and she walks with me and guides me and she HEARS me.

I am a warrior.

I am winning the battle for my life, in spite of you. I am healing. I am whole. I am not a toddler, but a grown woman. I respect boundaries and i have my own boundaries. I am a person, who deserves respect, especially from a healing professional. Please learn from me.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “To My Last Therapist

    • Thank you, Rachel. I know now that I’m not too much. I worked for a long time to not be me, and then I learned that being me is just who I’m supposed to be.

      I’m so thankful for MT every single day. Even if I’m mad at her. Because she really hears me and sees me.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Bravo! (applause) The more I read about various therapists, the more I’m glad my life’s path has taken me down a different route. I saw one psychiatrist who probably retraumatized me more than helped. And one therapist who basically dumped me after one small breakthrough. That said, I’m thrilled you’re working with a great one now!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s