You did not like when I needed you. You told me I was like a toddler wrapped around your leg. You did not like when I did not need you. You told me that my unwillingness to do what you wanted me to left you immobilized. You told me that I could not heal. That I was too traumatized. You told me that you cared about me. You told me I was too difficult. You told me to ground myself. You told me my feelings were too big. And then you told me to leave.
I want you to know that I am healing. I want you to know that my big feelings are totally appropriate for what happened to me. I want you to know that when I am allowed to feel these feelings, they actually dissipate. I want you to know that there are therapists brave enough to look these feelings in the face with me. I survive and thrive…and so does the therapist. I want you to know that being too difficult for you was all too a familiar feeling. I was too difficult for my abusers and they needed to hurt me yo rein me in. You know what? I am not too difficult. I am me. And MT, my therapist now, knows that. She shines a lamp on my path and she walks with me and guides me and she HEARS me.
I am a warrior.
I am winning the battle for my life, in spite of you. I am healing. I am whole. I am not a toddler, but a grown woman. I respect boundaries and i have my own boundaries. I am a person, who deserves respect, especially from a healing professional. Please learn from me.