Having a Tough Time

Just a fast note to say that I’m having a really tough time.  I’ve been having flashbacks and nightmares, more than usual.  I think I’m having auditory flashbacks.  Has anybody else ever had auditory flashbacks?  First I thought that I was hearing voices, but then I realized I’m hearing my voice as a child and the abusers’ voices.  Ugh.  I think I like the pictures in my head better (even though I really don’t like them at all).

Also, I went to see my therapist yesterday, and I am not sure what happened.  MT (my therapist) has been away for  a week, so I have not seen her in in 12 days.  Usually, I only have two or five days between sessions.  I was late due to all sorts of nutty things happening at home as I left, but even though I was late, the last client was just walking out the door when I got there.  I was all happy to be seeing MT because I just really needed a place to cry and a person to cry with.  I walked in her office door, all happy, turned around to close the door securely, and turned around and something triggered me, and those voices went off again.  When I was talking to MT, I totally felt like I was not myself, and apparently I did not act like myself, because MT thinks I was punishing her for having been away by being late and not greeting her in my normal manner. I wasn’t, not by any means.  But, I can’t totally explain what happened.  Just that I felt very far away and scared and confused.  Ugh. The entire session did not go well, and by the end, all I could do was cry.  Every time I tried to explain myself, it just came out wrong.  I am not looking forward to tomorrow’s session.

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2 thoughts on “Having a Tough Time

  1. Patty, sorry the going is rough now. I had an appointment with my therapist too yesterday and got all spacey and could not speak coherently. It was frustrating because I had a couple weeks of being stable and all of sudden I was out of it at lest during my therapy session. I try to remember that it will pass and eventually I will bounce back. Hoping the best for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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