So, I’ve always been a two cold a year kind of woman, with an occasional stomach bug or strange side effect from medication. This year, however, I have had fatigue and body aches and pains. And, in August, I got cellulitis in one of my legs, causing it to swell and turn horrible colors and ooze nasty stuff. Then in October, I got shingles….itchy, painful, ugly blisters, and more fatigue. What is going on with me? What in the world is my body trying to tell me? Well, I can possibly attribute the fatigue and the body aches and pains to getting older and having crazy children and often not getting enough sleep. However, in light of how things are going with my feelings right now, I think that the cellulitis and the shingles were trying to tell me to pay really good attention to all of the stuff showing up in my feelings. A couple of weeks ago, I came home from therapy and was really pleased with myself for having a few good and upbeat therapy sessions with no flashbacks and no dissociation. MT had congratulated me for the good work and also implored me to try to stay in this really good spot for a few sessions, to make the path back to a good place easier to find the next time the path led me to dark places. Well, I guess my mind and my heart thought that I had stayed in this good place for long enough, and a couple of hours after I arrived home from therapy, a tsunami of despair washed right over me and took my breath away.And now for the last three sessions of therapy, all I have done is sit and cry and grieve for things that never were and never will be. I’ve been grieving for the things that I wanted to never be, but they happened anyway.
So, I kind of think that my body decided to show me some of the pain and ugliness that is inside of me on the outside of me. Now my mind and body are following suit.
I hope my body gets that I kind of get it now and gives me a break from the crazy ailments.