I Beat the Hell out of a Wavemaster……

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So, last week at therapy, MT started talking about physically working out some of my feelings.  I throw pillows in her office, but she said her office wasn’t big enough and I wasn’t using enough energy for that to be enough.  You see, I have lots of body memories.  Things put where they shouldn’t be, the feeling of gross stuff dripping down my face, my body hurting in the places where I was held down.  I tend to sit on my hands or hold them behind my back, reminiscent of being tied up.  I shake a lot.  I thought it was fear coming out.  She thinks it’s the rage and body memories that I hold back.  My body tries to throw up all of the stuff that happened.  So, MT started talking about going to a karate studio that she has access to and working out some of these feelings.  Well. my mind first went to the thoughts that no way, no how was I going to move my body in those ways in front of somebody.  I weigh 300 pounds. (oh, Holy Crap, I forgot I let some people I know read this blog.  For God sakes, please do not ever comment on that number to me). I am not graceful.  I was always the last kid picked in gym class.  I never wanted to move my body, not even when I was a skinny kid, and have somebody watch it and comment on it.  But then, I realized, if I protested, I would have to talk about all of those reasons with her.  And I did not want to do that.  It was bad enough that she had asked me how much I weighed in the last session and I was crazy enough to answer her! I did not want to discuss anymore body issues with her.  So I agreed to meet MT at this karate studio.  She told me to bring pillows, a plastic bat, balls.  I brought a blanket, kind of like a little kid needing some security.  Well, I threw the pillows, I threw the balls.  That was okay.  Then MT pulled out the magic Wavemaster (see the picture above).  She told me to hit it with the plastic baseball bat.  I did, again and again.  I could feel the rage growing in me.  I started screaming.  Then I could feel the hands and the fingers digging under the bones in my shoulders.  I screamed in pain.  MT said not to let them win.  I beat that Wavemaster silly.  I beat all of its senses out of it.  I screamed at them to get their hands off her.  The bat started to get flimsy in the handle.  I screamed more.  I cried.  I almost couldn’t stand up.  I beat the Hell out of that Wavemaster.  I felt the bands of oppression around me start popping like Gulliver’s Lilliputian ropes.  I walked away, panting, sweating, drained.  I walked away as a VICTOR, no longer a victim.

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5 thoughts on “I Beat the Hell out of a Wavemaster……

  1. Pingback: Survivor Sunday – PattysPathToHealing | The Slow Heal

  2. Pingback: Another Episode of the Wavemaster | pattyspathtohealing

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