People

There are many wonderful people who have accompanied me on my path to healing from childhood abuse. My very first therapist ever, AA, was a religious woman who worked on my college campus. When I went to see her, it took me months to choke out one sentence about what had happened to me. Then she got a new job, and a new therapist came and inherited AA’s clients. This therapist, FT, was a different kind of therapist. She was out loud loving, wild haired, willing to touch, in my face, patient, and caring. She let me say more words and hugged me when I was choked with tears. I graduated from college and FT graduated from her college campus office to a private practice. I followed her and learned that words that were scary were not always scary. I learned that I could be loved. I learned that some people would stay. Then after many years, I outgrew her services but not her friendship. I moved on to a healer psychotherapist, PP, who did EMDR and guided visualization. PP also gave me the gift of time, as much time as I needed, each time. PP also held me for hours as I learned to trust that the memories were real. PP left at the age of 72 to join the Peace Corps and VC came along. I did not stay with her for long. PP had healed me to the extent that I was done with healing and ready to start living for a while. VC basically healed me of the wound of PP leaving. Years later, I was triggered unexpectedly and unknowingly by a friend revealing that she had betrayed a child. I went to JM for help because my best friend had benefited greatly from her therapy with JM. Well, JM had great ideas and great knowledge, but for some reason, probably transference on my part and a brain tumor on her part, we could not see eye to eye on my path to healing. I needed to feel my feelings and express them…even if it involved some degree of dissociation. JM’s training told her that would be retraumatizing for me and she tried to protect me from any additional trauma. I became raw and overwhelmed by unfelt feelings. I thought that JM’s office was the safe place for these behemoth feelings, but it turned out not to be. This became a traumatizing situation to me as once again, as when I was a child, I was prevented from feeling my feelings. I thought I was being an inappropriate client so I sought out help from another therapist, PG, who helped me to see this was not a healing situation for me. PG helped me to heal from the trauma of leaving JM. PG was the first therapist I ever had who was younger than I and I loved her, but her expertise was not in the area of trauma, so she referred me to her therapist, MT. I’ve been seeing MT for about 7 weeks now, usually twice a week. We are working on healing the trauma of leaving JM and also on the new realizations and memories that were triggered a few years ago and on letting out the feelings accompanied with those. MT is skilled in EMDR, visualization, being present, and using other healing modalities. I have recently started going for acupuncture and healing touch based on her recommendations. I also recently went on a retreat with a Shaman, Reiki Master, Yoga Teacher, and psychotherapist, JA. While I was on this retreat and walking in a field, I basically tripped over JA, who invited me to sit with her. Using very few words, she taught me why I felt like I wasn’t healing. She also showed me that I really did not deserve the abuse and that the abuse was not my fault. Believing those two things, has allowed me to really start feeling my feelings and releasing them. I have screamed, cried, thrown pillows, and vomited my past into a trash can in MT’s office since that retreat, and all the while, MT smiles and tells me that I am beautiful and doing a great job. These are the professional people on my journey and there are many more friends who walk with me.

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2 thoughts on “People

  1. The picture you posted at the beginning is so beautiful. As I read about how you described MT, the picture seemed to be a fitting representation of her. I’m so glad that you’ve found someone you can trust to help you on your journey to healing. 🙂

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  2. I think that picture is a really good representation of MT and how I feel on her office. When I am with her, I in the presence of a compassionate, caring, encouraging, and gently challenging person.

    Like

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